It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
