Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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