I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
