I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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