Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
