I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
