She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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