Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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