the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
