I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
