Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
