maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
