Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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