hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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