how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
