I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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