I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Randomize
