Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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