ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
