Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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