WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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