Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
