Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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