at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
