My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk is a universal language darling
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
