How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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