Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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