What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
