you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
