GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
