I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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