Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
