i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
