somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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