No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
