Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
