i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
