Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so let's talk penis.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
