I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
