obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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