i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
