you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
