don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
