after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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