whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you still have your period?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
