Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
