I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
