All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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