Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
