I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
