oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
