The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
