I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
