I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
