Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
